Robbie's Encouragement

MY SHOES

Robbie

A lot of people keep saying (as I have said to myself), “You don't look like you're dying!”

Well, I don't feel it either.

And they say, “I keep telling you, you should get another opinion, it may not be that serious.” Well, maybe it's not and maybe it could be stopped for a while...then again, maybe it couldn't.

They say, “Well, it would maybe give you a more accurate time line of how long you have if they do another scan and tell you how fast it's growing (the cancer).”

I look at it this way...it doesn't matter how much time I have left. This illness has really woken me up to the surety of how short life CAN be. It has taught me to take every day and live it to the fullest. It has taught me to understand just how precious EVERY SECOND is and ya know what? I would not want to know for sure anyway how much longer I have. That would cause me to live out the last of my life in fear and dread, asking, “Will it be today, tonight, tomorrow, or next week?” ...whatever.

I know that the cancer is not what is going take me. It is merely a means for others to use as a cause of death. My Lord is who will take me; and not a minute sooner or later than when He knows is the right time. So why would I want to put myself through all the misery and pain of more testing and chemo? The answer is, I wouldn't. I am just happy to know that I am going to a much better place than anything here on earth. Yes, I am sad about it as I do not want to leave my loved ones. I would love to watch my grandchildren grow up. Most of all, I would love to see my granddaughter walk down the aisle toward her groom wearing my wedding gown.

Another thing I would love is to meet some of my internet friends face to face and get to give them a real hug. But to be honest, I feel more sorrow for the ones who will be left behind than for myself. They will be the ones facing all the pain of mourning and longing. My Pain will be gone for eternity in the blink of an eye. So, please, do not pity me.

I told my son that, when he gets my ashes, he should take some of his friends I recently met who really liked me (“Your Mom is cool, Doug!”) and go down to the beach, grab a beverage of choice, and toast me, as they toss a few of my ashes into the ocean. They should then have a big FUN beach party cook out. I know there will be some sadness, but I want more laughter than tears. I told him to tell funny silly stories about me...believe me, there are more than enough stupid things that I have done in my life to keep the fires burning and the party going on ALL night...LOL...

So, all in all, I am happy with where I am. And I’m happy with ALL that I have been through (even the bad) for without all of it, I would not be who I am today. And I am pretty happy with who I am. I have lived a crappy life some may say (including me...LOL...) but I have learned so much too, although I learned most of it late in life as I was a kid for way too long. I was my Mother's problem child...LOL

Life is good as it's going get for now for me and I am fine with that. I look forward to meeting my Lord and sitting at His feet and am eager to learn all He wishes to teach me and see all He is willing to show me. So my dear Diana and all my other family and friends, PLEASE...no tears for me, just fond and happy memories. Live all your days as if this one will be the last...for you never know when it may be.

I love you and wish for God's Blessings on you all always,

Robbie