Duties of Husbands and Wives
Part 1 - Wives
by
Earl Scoles Sr.
Who are we to obey and be submissive to?
We are to be obedient and submissive to the Lord Jesus Christ above all others. He is the head of the church family.
Colossians 1:18, “And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. (first in rank and influence)." We as the church are the bride and are to be in submission to Him and give Him Praise in all things. We want only Jesus to be our Lord and His will for our lives is all we strive for.
Wives: Ephesians 5:24, “Therefore as the church is subject (Submissive/Obedient) unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." This is certainly the will of the husband, but more importantly, it is the will of God and a requirement that He has made for all married women, “…let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” I will say here that Paul was using the relationship and duties of the church to Christ as an example of how the relationship between a husband and his wife should be toward each other.
Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Wives should be submissive to their own husbands because God commands it. God has placed the man in the head position of the relationship, and it is fitting and proper for Him. Wives are not to be submissive to their husbands because they are the
smartest men in the world (though all husbands claim that they are). But in order to be obedient to God wives should be in subjection to their own husband.
But my husband doesn’t go to church and say’s that he doesn’t have to in order to get to heaven, that he is a good man. 1 Peter 3:1, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives..." Wives should also be submissive to unbelieving husbands because they may be won to the Lord through their conversations and actions toward him. They may not recognize this as love at first, but the more you show them the joy in your hearts and support them, the more they will pay attention to what you are all about. I learned this from experience.
Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Wives should speak well of their husbands in all cases, in private or public. This honors him and shows deep respect for him, which is required by the Lord. The verse does say, “…as unto the Lord.” This means speak to him and of him as though you were
speaking to or of the Lord Jesus. This verse shows the importance of speaking well of your own husband. Because it is a command from the Lord, and because wives love the Lord so much, they must also love their husband in this same manner. This will show respect and love for both the husband and the Lord. Jesus explains this command in Matthew 25:40, “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Iasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me. which means in anything, especially giving of yourself to your spouse. Being obedient to your husband as unto Jesus the Lord is another great example of, “Ye have done it unto me.”
Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (The second part of this verse is pertaining to wives. We will get to the first part when we discuss the Lord’s expectations of the husband.) A wife should strive to please her husband and be in awe of him. She should never take on his authority without him telling her to. His word is to be law in the family and it is to be carried out by the wife just as the church is suppose to in the Word of the Lord. It is by God’s design that women should be helpmates to their husbands and this is a very important position in social life as well as God’s plan. If this plan isn’t carried out as the Father commands, it leaves room for evil to sneak in, and it can’t be corrected until God’s original plan has been secured.
Many women say that they aren’t going to be a slave to any man, and they shouldn’t be a slaves. God didn’t intend for the one in the helpmate position to be as a slave. He intended for this to be a position of love, obedience, and as helper to a man who is trying to do God’s will. There can only be one head in any corporation. That is also true in any family as well.
Woman is of man’s flesh and bone. She was formed from man’s rib to be his companion. Genesis 2:22, “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. So she is, in God’s eyes, to be in compliance with the man. By no means does this make her a slave or any less important than the man. This makes her an obedient child of God. I will quote Matthew Henry’s commentary to show the importance of the woman in a man’s life. “If man is the head, she is the crown, a crown to her husband, the crown of the visible creation.”
This shows her position of beauty and importance to her man and to God. The wife is the foundation of the family. Glory to God what an important position she holds. So the woman is not in the position of slave but is in the position of partnership with the man.
Everything that woman was intended for was to Glorify God, just as it was intended for man to glorify Him. Husband and Wife are to work together to Glorify God. What an awesome service that we, as men and women, have been called for. We are the elite because God chose the best of the best. He placed man in charge of all He had created and then gave him a woman helper, or as, Henry said it, “A crown.” God doesn’t give worthless blessings He gives His best and so He gave man a woman. Thank You Father.
Duties of Husbands and Wives
Part 2 - Husbands
by
Earl Scoles Sr.
In part 1, I talked about the duties of the wife to the husband. This week I will talk about the duties of the husband to the wife as she is not the only one who is committed in a marriage. They are one body.
Ephesians 5:23, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body." This verse does not mean that a man is to boss his wife around. It means that he is to love and protect her and give her every comfort that is necessary in life that is within his means just as Christ does for the church.
Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it..." Husbands are to love their wives just as Jesus loves the church and husbands should even be willing to give their life for their wives just as Christ did for the church. He gave His all for the church because the church loves Him and He loves the church. In this same way a woman loves her husband and because she loves him he should love her and be willing to do everything for her that Christ does for the church. Our wives raise our children just as Christ raised us. Our wives deserve all the support that we can give them just as God gave His Son all the support that he could to help Him raise us. And just as Christ did His job well and earned all the love and affection of His Father then shall a wife expect and receive the same from her husband if she is doing her best because just as Christ is the head of the church so is the husband the head of the wife.
Ephesians 5:28, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that love his wife love himself." If we as husbands want the best for ourselves we need to give our wives the best that we have because they are as one body with us and will respond in giving us their best. A husband will be glorified through a woman who truly loves him and she can only truly love him if he has earned it and deserves it. In all cases of the duties of husbands and wives to each other the bible describes the two as one body.
Colossians 3:19, "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Husbands are not to be screaming, striking or insulting their wives. Our Lord does not treat us like that and He is the head of us. We are to take His example as the head of our wives and treat them with the same respect and love that Christ treats us. We want them to love and respect us and must always give them the same as we expect from them.
1Peter 3:7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." Husbands are to treat their wives just as Christ did the church. Know your wife and what she expects. She has needs also and they must be met the same as yours. Giving honor to her by letting her know she is important to you and the family and letting others know that she is important. Be willing to give yourself for her, going before her in times of danger, giving her all the support it takes to keep her clean in the thoughts of others and being willing to counsel with her either in giving advice or asking advice. The husband is to ensure that they are both worthy of all the blessings Christ has to offer by not making demands and making sure that they are both of one spirit in everything they have to do and when they pray so that their prayers will be of one accord and they will be in agreement in all things.
1Corinthians 7:4, "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." The husband is to be loyal to his wife just as he expects loyalty from her. His body is no longer his own but hers just as her body is no longer her own but his. They are both the body of Christ and any disloyalty is also done to Him.
1Corinthians 7:5, "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." Conjugal duties are a responsibility of husbands and wives. I am not an authority on this but God is and gave great counsel on the subject. Conjugal duties or lack of have been at the root of many couples separating. There have been many excuses from both sides of the bed not to fulfill the obligation. It has been a practice for many years that both parties agree or the duty was not carried out but quite the opposite is in order. Both parties are supposed to agree not to be together instead of agreeing to be together. This is so that neither one will stray from the other. And some people laugh and make jokes about theses duties but they are serious and should be carried out with the greatest affection and respect by both husband and wife.
Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." In part 1 we talked about the second part of this verse. This week I want to speak on the first part, and to do so, I will quote Albert Barnes' commentary with which I am in full agreement. “A husband should never “wish” or “expect” anything that it may not be perfectly proper for a wife to render. He, too, should consult “her” wishes; and when he understands what they are, he should regard what she prefers as the very thing which he would command. The known wish and preference of a wife, unless there be something wrong in it, should be allowed to influence his mind, and be that which he directs in the family.”
God put man and woman together to be as one and if there is any separation such as disagreement or even different understanding of the duties of either one it leaves a tiny crack of separation and that is enough for satan to come in. Both parties must become of one mind and one spirit in order to battle any evil that comes against them and their families. There is only one head to a family because with two heads there is separation and God doesn’t want to be placed between us, He wants to be placed at the head of us. Husbands and wives just have different duties but none are any more important than the other or none more important than putting Christ first. There is only one true head to a family and that head is to be Christ.
